Will Your College Age Child Voluntarily End a Conversation to Spend Time with You? What You can do Now to Make It Happen!

by Claire on May 17, 2012

I recently called my aunt's house, and my cousin Emily answered. She said "Hi Claire, we are about to site down to dinner, can I take a message." And that was it; she had plans to spend time with her parents.

Emily is in her last year of college, and doesn’t make it up to her parents' house very often with school and work. When she is here, she has lots of friends to see. But she always makes time for the family dinner.

I know what you are saying. I am her cousin, not her friend, so why would she end a call with a friend for dinner. But this is not the first time I have seen it. I have been over to visit her parents, with both Emily and her brother away doing stuff with friends. It comes time to eat the meal, and all of a sudden, there they are, ready to eat with the family. Emily will tell her parents what a wonderful time she had with her friends that day, literally getting home just in time for dinner.

When you look at Emily's family, it is the kind you would hope to have. The children are independent; Emily spent a quarter in Italy studying abroad. But the children have strong connections with their parents and with each other. They come home as often as they can and enjoy spending time as a family.

The family meal, while not the only aspect of this relationship, is a strong component of it. It is the time set aside each day to connect with other family members, learn what is going on in their lives, and share what is going on in your life. It is a tool you can use to help achieve this kind of relationship with your child. All you have to do is eat together, with no distractions. This means turn the tv off, put away the phones, and spend time giving your children attention at the family meal.

When is the last time you had a family meal, and when do you plan on having one again? Having the family meal every day is a great way to connect with your family. If you don’t already, start this today, and one day, your child may say the same thing as Emily does "I have to go, dinner is just about ready."

Comments (8) -

5/17/2012 9:53:50 PM #

Great example of how families are created and one of the first ingredients is the family experience around the table.
  I suspect Emily's parents are committed cooks, prepare interesting dishes, and create the comfort of 'real' family at meal time.
Thanks for sharing this Claire,  I am a caregiver of a 7 y.o and a 3 y.o.  Family meal & table time is such an opportunity to talk about reading labels, making our grocery list (so shopping isn't BORING!)  and generally letting them know an adult cares about them and what they eat and think.

Claire

5/18/2012 6:36:17 AM #

Thanks EJ,

You are right, the family meal is a great time to talk about life and non-obvious aspects of food. The dinners at Emily's house are real food, and a comfortable environment. It often plays a huge role in letting children know an adult cares about them. Your children are lucky to have you! (You say "caregiver", but I am sure they look up to you as a parent and role model.)

Thanks,
Claire

Donna

6/1/2012 1:49:28 PM #

Our son is 9, and we've made family dinner an integral part of our daily routine. I know how important family dinners were in my home growing up, so I've tried hard to make it so in my home. It's tough sometimes with all the extra-curricular activities, but we manage to pull off family dinners at least 4- 5 times a week. Weekend breakfasts are big here, too.

Claire

6/1/2012 4:52:53 PM #

Thanks Donna,

It sounds like you create a wonderful experience for your son. I think allot of families don't realize the weekend breakfast is a missed opportunity!

Thanks,
Claire

Country Crafting

6/2/2012 6:33:08 PM #

We try to have dinner together every night, and for the most part we do. Its not quite as picturesque as Emily's but I do enjoy it. We do all stay at the table until everyone's done and try to start all together. I will say this when we aren't together I do miss it. Thanks for sharing

Claire

6/2/2012 7:44:09 PM #

Hi Country,

It sounds like you are developing a great tradition in your family! I know Emily's parents have always made it a priority - and let the children know the family meal was important, even when it had to be skipped for a day. I bet when your children are older, it will be as picturesque as Emily's.

Thanks,
Claire

marcia

6/2/2012 9:11:57 PM #

I really hope my family can have these special memories; of gathering around a home cooked meal and sharing their thoughts and activities. Both my children are too young to have much to say, yet, but the day is coming.

When I was growing up, my mom hardly cooked though she was a homemaker until I was about 16. At least, I cannot remember her doing much cooking. And eating together at the same table was usually reserved for restaurants!

I really want that to be different now that I am "mom".

Claire

6/2/2012 9:28:08 PM #

Thanks Marcia,

It is great that you want to create the family meal for your children. You can do it! All it takes is the desire and the willingness to learn how. Even then the children are young, they learn by watching how you interact with your partner (assuming you have one). So it is never to early to start bringing them the benefits of a family meal, even if they don't talk yet. (My daughter's third word, or phrase, is "all done", and she is very good at it as well as signing for more food - baby steps. She is learning by how my husband and I interact though.)

Thanks,
Claire

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Will Your College Age Child Voluntarily End a Conversation to Spend Time with You? What You can do Now to Make It Happen!

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